Many times, people stay in the comfort zone and dare not reach out to grasp their dreams. In fact, they subconsciously feel that they are “not good enough and not worthy of good deeds.” Studying the frail, inferiority, and courage of humanity for 12 years, and publishing “frailty Power,” Professor of Research at the Institute of Social Work at the University of Houston, USA. Bren. Brown, talk about why changing the face of a frail attitude, can get rid of hesitation and share personal experience.
Everyone has a feeling of fear when they think about doing something that is difficult or never done. If you try to take a small step, then it is three steps backwards, it is easier to doubt whether it can really touch the line.
How to face these inner frailty, using positive attitudes and turning into the driving force to continue moving forward is often the key to truly determining the ultimate success or failure.
The best example is Lee An, who won the Oscar for best director this year. When he returned to Taiwan in May, at a symposium, he talked about his unemployment from the New York University Film Production Institute in his early years and he was unemployed for six years. He said that he has experienced many failures and his weakness is his essence. “To say my success.” It’s starting from fragility. It’s better to say that I am brave enough to face my vulnerability and don’t care to take it out.”
Fragility is the core of creativity and emotion
About the impact of vulnerability on achievement and happiness, Professor of the Institute of Social Work at the University of Houston, Professor Budney. The research results of Bren. Brown have attracted much attention in recent years. In 2010, Brown boarded the TED×Houston Forum in Houston, sharing her extensive interviews over the past 10 years, and delving into the conclusions of human vulnerability, inferiority, value and courage.
She found that vulnerability is the essence of human beings and the core of all creativity and emotions. Let the fragile parts be seen, and sincerely welcome the pains of their fears, and enhance the energy of individuals in the interpersonal, emotional, workplace and parenting.
The concept proposed by Brown has spread far and wide through online movies. At present, the number of readings on the TED website has exceeded 11 million. The books “Impressive Gifts” and “Fragile Power” have also been sold.
In order to explore how to find out the power of action from the fragility of all people, Cheers magazine interviewed Brown exclusively and got a simple but important conclusion: In fact, you only need to tell yourself: “I am good enough, Can do it!”
What is the relevance of “frankly facing fragility” and “action can be reached?”
I think that action, that is, the “daring” that I mentioned in the book, is essentially “showing self” and “being seen by others.” The courage to do this comes from embracing your own vulnerability. My definition of vulnerability is the feeling of “unsure, uncertainty and risk.” For example, if you want to disclose our artistic creation, writing, photography or ideas, but not sure if someone will accept or appreciate it.
First of all, we should clarify what is the reason why we dare not go to the arena. What are we afraid of? Then, we must be aware of whether we are using shields to cover up our fragility, for example, constantly telling ourselves that “I am not good enough”, “things will not be as smooth as I imagined”, or numb myself through tobacco and alcohol and overeating, resisting Anxiety caused by fragility.
These defensive shields have a way to unload and are the gateway to the arena. If we want to rediscover the necessary emotions in life, rekindle enthusiasm and a sense of mission, we must learn to feel the emotions derived from vulnerability.
One of my favorite stories is about how an Indian, Myshkin Ingawale, managed to solve the problem of often dying in the Indian countryside. For this reason, he hopes to develop a device that can effectively detect the anemia of pregnant women.
I listened to his speech at the 2012 TED conference. When he said his wishes and actions, he got everyone’s applause on the spot, but then he said, “But I failed.” You can quickly feel it. The atmosphere of the whole audience condensed. However, Ingwari just smiled and continued: “I tried 32 times, all failed, and finally succeeded in the 33rd time. Now the probability of fetal death in the mother has been reduced by 50%.”
Have you observed the common traits of those who dare to take action?
I call those who are most vulnerable to self-esteem and have confidence in themselves, the “completehearted.” The following 10 indicators are their way of life:
1. Cultivate the true self: do n’t care what others think.
2. Develop self-inclusiveness: abandon perfectionism.
3. Cultivate resilience: get rid of paralysis and powerlessness.
4. Cultivate gratitude and joy: no longer feel that you are missing something, no longer fear the darkness.
5. Cultivate intuition and believe in faith: don’t take everything into account.
6. Cultivate creativity: Don’t compare with others.
7. Play and rest at the right time: Exhaustion is not a status symbol, and productivity does not represent self-worth.
8. Cultivate calm and tranquility: reject the anxious lifestyle.
9. Cultivate meaningful work: Don’t doubt yourself, nothing is “not doing it.”
10. Cultivate singing, dancing, and laughter: Don’t pretend to be cool, over- holding .
These dedicated people wake up every morning and think: “No matter how much or how many have not done, I have already been “good enough.”” Before going to bed at night, he said, “Yes, I am not perfect.” It is also very fragile, sometimes worried about it and afraid of it. But this does not affect me. It is also a fact of being brave and worthy of having a sense of love and belonging.”
Are these people born with the above abilities?
They are not born to think like this, but to make “choice.” They choose to practice to show their true side, and to get rid of inferiority, they must accept their own vulnerability and unload the shields that we learned from childhood to cover up the fragility.
One of the defense shields is “perfectionism.” Over the years, I have heard a clear message repeatedly: “When I cultivated the power of vulnerability, accepted my imperfections, and the courage of self-inclusiveness, I also found the most precious things in my life.”
I found that the essence of perfectionism is not self-improvement, but to get “recognition.” Most of the perfectionists are being praised for their good performance and have developed a dangerous and harmful idea: “My achievements and excellentness represent the quality of my person, so I need to cater, perform and be perfect.” The right endeavor is to focus on you: how can I improve? How to make yourself better? Perfectionism is to focus on others: What do you think? Perfectionism is a state of camping.
In fact, studies have shown that perfectionism hinders achievement and is associated with depression, anxiety, addiction, numbness in life, or missed opportunities. Fear of failure, mistakes, failure to meet expectations, and criticism will keep us away from the arena of benign competition and hard work.
What is the practice of getting rid of perfectionism?
It must be changed from “Worry everyone thinks” to “I am good enough”. In addition, we must remember that when we take the whole picture and live in our own plot, we can create self-worth, instead of standing outside and denying our own fragility and imperfection.
I have received many inspiring practices from the interviewed people, such as the best-selling author Ge Ruiqin from The Happiness Project. Gretchen Rubin, her way of responding to the perfectionism is:
“I remind myself: “Don’t let perfection prevent you from becoming a better person.” It’s better to walk for 20 minutes than to run 4 miles but not to run; publishing an imperfect book is better than having a computer. The “perfect” archives will never be better than the day of the world; it is better to call a Chinese-style nephew to party than to have an elegant dinner that I will never have time to host.”
What is the most profound experience of being brave in starting an action?
Former US President Ronald Roosevelt had a speech at the Sorbonne University in Paris in 1910. I read a lot about the following “Faith to Do” and I have a lot of inspiration and feeling: “Glory is not those who belong to criticism are not those who blame the warriors, or who are picky about where others should do better. Glory belongs to the brave who stands on the arena and belongs to those who are brave and sweaty on their faces. He sometimes makes mistakes, even if he is wrong again. After all, mistakes and omissions are inevitable. But he knows that he has to work hard, be full of blood, go all out, and devote himself to lofty ambitions. He knows that the best result is to make a name for him, even if it is unfortunate. Lost, at least he dared to do it.”
I found this passage to be the same as the fragile conclusion I have studied over the past decade. The fragile power has nothing to do with winning or losing, but to actively invest and then go all out. This is the person I want to be: standing in the arena, even if I am brave and scared at the same time.
In the past, I had a paper town on the table, which read: “If you know that you won’t fail, what do you do?” (What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?) After the fragile power, I removed this question from my mind and asked myself: “What is worth doing, if it fails?” (What is worth doing even if you fail?)
Finally, please give advice to Taiwanese readers who have dreams in their hearts but are still struggling to act:
When I look back at the meaning of “putting boldly to do” to me, I realize that the most uncomfortable, dangerous and easy internal injury is: do nothing, just stand by and watch your life. Thinking, “What if I did something now?”
As long as you are willing to go forward and “show yourself,” you can change; again and again, it will make us braver.